(Words of wisdom from my mentor and friend...Joy Herman. This post was originally posted in April of 2011 on our MOPS blog.)
When our darling grandson was born last October, I was completely smitten. I confessed in a light hearted way to my husband of 30 years that for the first time in our marriage, I had fallen in love with someone else. He laughed and said, "That's not true! This has happened six other times in the past!" He was referring to our six children and how with the birth of each of them, my maternal love was so strong that I was just a bit neglectful of our romance for awhile.
The first time I heard the parenting principle "The best gift you can give your children is to love your spouse", I remember pondering it for a long time. That's a pretty strong statement, but it does makes a lot of sense. What better gift can we give our kids than the sense of security a happy marriage brings to a home? What more effective way is there to teach our kids love and forgiveness than to model it for them as parents? What legacy can we give our kids that would be more meaningful than two parents who are completely devoted to one another?
Many principles like that make great sense, but it doesn't mean they are easy to live out from day to day! Most of the time I am completely committed to living this principle. My husband is an amazing person and he has loved me unwaveringly through the good and bad times. There are, however, moments when I let tensions build up and the romantic feelings dip a little and it requires work to keep loving. I am fully aware that it requires work on his part to keep loving me sometimes because I have days of the month when I don't even like myself!
At times when loving doesn't come as easily, the life giving words of Scripture infuse me with new strength and resolve. One of my favorites is this passage from Colossians 3:12-14 -
Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity."
I've said it before, but I just have to say again that the great thing about God telling us to do things, is that He is right next to us giving us all the resources we need to do them! Jack and I have followed these powerful words as a couple through some very tough times and it totally works! Sometimes we look at each other and our hearts are so full - God has brought us such a long way together and we really do love each other more deeply than we ever thought possible.
If you are still single and waiting for that man of your dreams, don't get caught up in looking for him. Use all of your energy to become the person God wants you to be. Pray for that man you are waiting for - that God will make him the person he should be. Then be patient until God brings that person into your life. My favorite verse I pray for my single friends is Psalm 84:11b, "...no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless." The word "blameless" here doesn't mean someone who is perfect; it refers to someone who is following Jesus, confessing her sin and not compromising in areas that would not please God.
If you have tied the knot and are faltering at times when the romance seems lacking (I don't think I have ever had to put as much effort into this as when we had babies and toddlers!), remind yourself what a gift you are giving your children when you persevere in loving that man of yours. The benefits of sticking with each other may not always seem spectacular from day to day, but over the years you will see great rewards. The wise One who created marriage smiles on us as we fulfill our vows and He gives us the love we need so we can give our kids the great gift of a mom and dad who are truly in love!
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